The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
