dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
