OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
