I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
