Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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