shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
