why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
