we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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