oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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