in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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