I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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