Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
