I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Houston, we have a squirter
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
