Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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