Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
