That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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