Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
