you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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