I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
