Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize