Porn is love you can see.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
