ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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