and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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