I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
