I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
