just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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