Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
