On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish i was in the wii world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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