I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
