It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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