dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
