so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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