Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
