i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
