i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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