WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
