your parents love me but you hate me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
