how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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