How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
