please come you make the beer taste better
Life is so much better after having sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
