so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
