a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
