An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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