Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
