he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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