and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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