We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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