I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
