hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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