Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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