I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
