Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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