So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
