I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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