I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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