Fine. I'll sleep in my office
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
