Me. At least after what I've been through.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
