How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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