he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
