just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
