I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
