i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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