omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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