You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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