Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
