i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize