Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
