i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
