Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
