I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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