Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
