I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
