also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
