I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
