Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
