No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
