She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
