Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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