I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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