Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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