every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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