I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
